I’ve never really blogged about my personal past regarding eating disorders before but I think it’s time to open that can of worms as I responded to a post about Thinspo bashing.
I was a competitive swimmer in high school, a good one at that, it was and is who I am but I let getting faster take control of my life. I thought that if I were skinnier, not stronger that I would be faster. My senior year of high school I weighed in at 108 this was a 30 lb drop from the year before. I can tell you certainly that I didn’t lose that weight in a healthy manner because I didn’t know how to. And I can also tell you that it was 30 lbs of muscle that I lost. Essentially I abused adderal and went “vegan” but continued to lift 5 days a week and swim 7 practices a week. I was obsessed, obsessed may even be too light to describe it.
My family has ALWAYS been supportive of me but they knew nothing about health or fitness and because I was getting faster (to a point) they weren’t worried, they thought that I knew my body best. Then I saw my graduation pictures and kind of freaked out. I asked my parents to put me in therapy and started seeing a nutritionist. I spent that summer in a group therapy out patient program and started college at 120.
Now, as a senior in college, I still see a nutritionist and I feel happier and healthier. My goal isn’t to lose weight but instead be stronger. I’m still young and I still have a lot more room to grow (emotionally).
When people post thinspo/proana/promia/ED things in fitspo it’s so frustrating, I don’t find it triggering anymore but I can relate to people who do find it that way. Fitspo is about losing weight the right way, slowly and with hard work. I am also stereotyping thinspo girls but they tend to be younger, less experienced and with low self esteem. I wish I could help them and tell them what I know now but I know that they won’t listen as well.
This isn’t a competition about what is harder (eating or not eating) but it’s about loving yourself, as you are. Because you are BEAUTIFUL.
I hope this wasn’t triggering or too harsh for anyone. If it was, I apologize.
Posted on Monday, 19 March
Tagged as: fitspo thinspo proana promia fitness personal ED
- kristinsmindinpictures likes this
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- thesumofmypartss said: thanks for sharing your story. it irritates me too, even though i am no longer triggered by such images.. i’m sure some girls are & it pisses me off to see it on a health-related tag.
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